Poly Betrayal

To some people this may seem like an oxymoron.
A Het/Mon person once told me that they thought that being poly was simply a way to navigate around hurt feelings, and infidelity. I thought it was an ignorant approach then, and now I see how harmful this disinfo belief truly is.

Just today, a partner of mine who lives in Berlin informed me that the thought of me with another person is too painful for him to bear…suddenly…and that he has reconsidered. He cant “pretend” and he made a “mistake” entering into this relationship.

  • When we met I told him I had other people in my life, and I was very clear who they were in my life, and that they were not going anywhere.
  • During the time when we first started dating I did hardcore porn, and showed him images of previous shoots, and described upcoming shoots.
  • When I returned to the US, I had several detailed conversations, wherein he told me to keep it open, that he thought that was best (not just that he was ok with it)
  • We live 7 hours, $900, and 6,000+ miles apart.
  • We discussed issues I had in the past wherein lovers, boyfriends, friends, bosses and even landlords of mine couldnt take the sexual spotlight I live my life in, irrespective of relationship status…and he assured me there would be no jealousy, no closeted emotions, and no judgment.

This is what I call a betrayal- acting outside of the bonds of the relationship.  Rejecting the basis of the relationship.  rejecting the person for their choices, informed lifestyle, and honesty.  He told me that this is the relationship he was most comfortable with, and then simply declines.

Its not a double standard- trust is trust and commitments are commitments, irrespective of the number of people involved.

~ by Klawdya Rothschild on June 12, 2009.

2 Responses to “Poly Betrayal”

  1. I wonder – did he think that he could “change” you? That he would be the one that could turn you into someone else that he wanted you to be?

    My partner and I have a deal – we swing when we are together, not apart. It is what makes us most comfortable. If we went outside that, perhaps there would be problems, but so far we are keeping each other entertained (we are only $300 and 2 hours apart) 🙂

  2. […] then there is my Italian boyfriend in Berlin….such a cutie.  There may be more of that to come in the future, the passion there was so high, but he has a problem with my kinky lifestyle, see Poly Betrayal: http://klawdyarothschild.com/2009/06/12/poly-betrayal/ […]

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